ENJOY & The Confessions Project
This past year, I have really been struggling to understand what it means ENJOY the creative process, life, and ordinary things as much as I enjoy the extraordinary things. I have felt very ashamed about this internal struggle. It is as if I should just be able to figure it out—not just in my head, but also in the heart. Especially since having known Christ, there is an added layer of shame I have carried as Christian. Self-talk as gone something like, “I know all people struggle, I know Christians struggle, knowing Jesus doesn’t dissolve our pain, if anything maybe it makes it clearer. (Staring at life) But is this it...? What am I missing?” Like a diamond held up to black velvet, the contrast is always before me. What contrast? Death and life. Sin and holiness. Imperfection and perfection. Unrequited longing...
I don’t know if it’s the tired/extroverted Enneagram 4 in me or my “Artist” who is full of feelings and tension, but this year has been more than heavy. It been mysterious, painful, isolated, confusing, numb... dark even. Joy has felt far from me. And every time I try to purse her, I find myself chasing and batting at clouds. Feeling stupid. Never possessing anything external, just empty hands.
C.S. Lewis has been a great encouragement to me this week. In “The Joyful Christian” he writes in regards to longing:
Before I knew what I desired, the desire was gone, the whole glimpse withdrawn, he works turned commonplace again, or only stirred by a longing for the longing that he just ceased. It had taken only a moment of time; and in a certain sense everything else that had ever happened to me was insignificant in comparison. […] I saw that all my waitings and watching for Joy, all my vain hopes to find some mental content on which I could, so to speak, lay my finger and say, “That is it,” has been a futile attempt to contemplate the enjoyed.
So “if I were honest,” in the spirit of all that Confessions is and has been, believing there is healing and communion in the light, this is where I have been. I confessed this to small group of friends, artists, just week ago and this event called ENJOY came to be. They showed me practical, tangible love in coming alongside me in a way that was all about just BEING and creating out of admitting where we are and being vulnerable with where we aspire to be. It was easy, light and wonderful.
This is me painting a picture at the ENJOY event. I feel as though this was selfishly put on for me with some dear friends and any other wandering artists and creatives that may be looking to get back to the art of ENJOYING the gift of life, good company, expression, and creating.
Here’s to learning to ENJOY all that life is and the goodness God gives.
[All these gorgeous photos were taken by the very talented Kayla Rojales.]
The Confessions Project is alive!
We have moved from Kickstarter to just running the show ourselves! The Confessions Project is a three-part resource that serves to edify and unearth the conversation of Confession within the Church. We have a Docuseries, Devotional, and Study Guide that compiles grace-ridden voices and some inspiring authors, theologians, artists, and poets to tell the story of Confession. This is a huge undertaking!